I am still the same dog

I was hearing about the new peer group of my former organization earlier today. Frankly, this organization was the one who raised me so well until what I’ve became right now. The one who responsible to my speech and writing skill, my leadership intellectuality and my maturation.

There were days when we stood up together. Yelling at the injustice around us. No matter how much sun had burned our skin or mass control police stood against us, we still standing up. With my old microphone, I delivered burning speech to raise the mass morale. Speak the truth. Our idealism. Our belief. and Our dream.

Those days, our college grades was no longer matter for us. What matter is, the end of these nonsensical age. Revolution must be brought. No matter what it cost. We need to begin and make our first step. Those day, we said it: To change how the world rotates.

Years passed. I’ve been saturated. I still have those sweet dream to change the world. But the more mature I am, the more realistic I became. Either it was my defend mechanism or my intellectual maturation. I’ve got blinded. I don’t know again where is the truth and which one is the fake things.

The fight inside my head got crazy every day. When I saw my colleague speak the truth, I didn’t see it again as a truth. Moreover, I see it as a doctrinal words. The practice that I’ve been doing for years. I started to speak to them, there is something wrong with our method. We can’t get there, if we still like this.
At this point, they started to call me traitor.

Anti-criticism, Ordered mind, No freedom. I realized that I just an intellectual dog who trained to bark as your upper level want. They give you the promise to take you to nirvana, the sweetness of it, the taste of it, but they never intended to go there at the very first place.

Sometimes, The greatest lie was a lie which contained a slight piece of truth inside it.

I still believe in that nirvana. But I don’t care anymore about them. There are somethings that better if you do it yourself than with the party. I was blinded with my obsession of the Nirvana. That just how I raised. I want to still believe as a dog. But this time, I run for myself. You better watch out, cause now I will bite anyone who stands in my way.